I can't think of a title

We bought our TV and DVD player today.  Not as if 1080p and all the other crap that goes along with buying a TV isn't confusing enough - let's add in that it must be a multi-region TV that will accept the signals in Africa (I have NO clue how this works but I am told that a regular old $500 TV purchased in the United States will not play in Africa).  We also had to buy a multi-region DVD player which costs a heck of a lot more than a regular DVD player, but when in Rome....(or Nigeria).

I was also told today that I use way too many commas in my writing.  My dear mother told me my grammatical skills are lacking and my husband told me I write like I talk - with way too many run-on sentences.  To them I say this is a blog, not a term paper.  GFY.

In addition to these purchases, we also have to buy transformers, converters, adapters, power continuation devices - apparently all in all this is going to cost another $600-$700.  What a crock of shit.  Oh, hey, you're moving to Africa, and if you want any of your electronic devices to work while you're there, you have to buy these transformers - on your own dime.  Not that the State Dept. doesn't pay for quite a bit of stuff to make our lives easier in Abuja, but as far as I'm concerned, three transformers for a whole house of electronic devices is beyond insufficient.  I mean just off the top of my head how many things do we own that need to be plugged in: coffee maker, toaster, vacuum, blow-dryer, toothbrush charger, phone chargers (2), computer, TV, DVD player, water boiler, alarm clock - and that's not all-inclusive.  So the three transformers provided by the State Dept are really going to go far.  So we have to buy more of those and we have to buy this power continuation device for all of the times when our power goes out and switches to our generator (which is thankfully provided but you'd think that since its so common for this to happen and it apparently ruins your electronics, they would provide this power continuation thingy) and we have to buy enough of these things to cover all of our electronic things and all of these things and things to keep our things nice are starting to cost a lot of freaking money!  I just really think that since they're sending us to live in Africa for two years it would be nice to equip us with everything we need to live there.  Thank God we saved money before we started this job, because if we hadn't, I really don't think a pay advance would be enough to cover all these little incidental expenses that are adding up to be quite a lot of money.  I mean its not like we already have to buy two years worth of consumables (I worked on our Excel spreadsheet today and it has 181 items.  Seriously every non-perishable (but still natural/non-processed) food item you can think of, every cleaning supply and every bit of toiletries you might need for two years - that's going to cost probably three or four grand - why not add another $600 or $700 of electronic conversion devices on top of it.  We're made of money. 

Anyway,  Lizzie is coming in two days and I can't wait to see her!  Also, she's never been to DC before so we have a ton of really cool things scheduled for her, including a tour of the Capitol (which I've never been inside either), the Archives, the Library of Congress, the Smithsonian, Arlington National Cemetery and much more.  We also have planned a small Thanksgiving dinner for the three of us.  Okay its not really small because not one of us is willing to compromise on our favorite Thanksgiving food, so we are probably going to be eating leftovers until we leave for Abuja since only three of us will be eating turkey, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, stuffing, corn casserole, green bean casserole, cranberries, pumpkin pie, and cranberry sorbet.  I wish I was exaggerating...

On a funny note, on Saturday while we were in etiquette class Joey volunteered to be the dining guinea pig.  He sat down at the imaginary dinner and our teacher told him to pretend to eat steak "American style."  With a quizzical look (do you know the difference between American and Continental styles of eating), he picked up the fork and knife and attempted to eat his imaginary steak.  Our teacher was horrified.

"No!" She exclaimed.

I thought that at this point in the class it would be hilarious to interject.  "Welcome to my life," I sarcastically said.  This elicited many laughs from the classroom.

Today, one of Joey's friends who also happened to be in our etiquette class told him that when I remarked on Joey's American style eating skills, another woman in the class leaned over to her and asked, "Do you think they have a good marriage?"  Hahahaha! Get a sense of humor.  Either that or if you can't joke about your spouse take a look at your own marriage.

Tidbits

Yesterday on my run around the mall, I ran by several people setting up for a large walk-a-thon to "Help the Homeless." Guess who was the sponsor?  Fannie Mae.  A little ironic, don't you think?  They must be feeling a little guilty about all the people they put out of their homes...

Yesterday Joey and I also bought a car.  We ended up going with a 2004 white, Toyota Sequoia.  While test driving the car, Joey took a wrong turn and we got lost (dealer in tow) in rush hour traffic in Virginia.  About an hour later, the dealer requested we stop the car at the nearest gas station so he could go inside and get his bearings.  At the gas station the dealer got out of the car and Joey and I burst into giggles.  An hour later we were finally back at the dealership and another hour later we had signed the papers.  It was a long night, but now that's one less thing on the to-do list.  Joey is currently on the phone with the bank coordinating everything to take it out of the country - we will never actually take possession of the car in the US.  Someone from State will go to the dealer, pick up the car and drive it to the port.  We'll meet it in Nigeria.
--- We just learned that is false.  I guess we can't have it shipped without the title and it is going to take several weeks to get the title from Virginia.  So now we have to get the car, sell my car (God forbid we juggle two cars in this town again), ship the car as soon as we get the title (to minimize our time in Nigeria without a car), and then figure out how to get the dogs and ourselves around town gathering all of our consumables for two years without a car.  UGH. Why does everything have to be so difficult?  Such a process?!  Can't one thing go smoothly?  Once?  Stupid freaking cars. 

Today we attended a diplomatic protocol and etiquette class.  It was really interesting and at times, entertaining.  Our etiquette instructor was a petite, Latin version of Miss Manners and she was quite appalled with everyone's faux pas. But we did glean quite a bit of useful information today, like how to seat a dinner party, the difference between Continental and American styles of handling your silverware, and how to make introductions.  Our instructor traveled with her husband, who was in the foreign service, for 28 years, and she had quite a few stories to tell.  My favorite was how three or four times a week her husband's secretary would call her and say "your husband is bringing home six guests for lunch."  And she would prepare a three course meal.  Except for the one time that she cooked a chicken and her husband whispered to her as her guests arrived that 6 of the 8 were vegetarian.  She said she wanted to ring his neck right there. Hello?!  What is wrong with this picture?!  You got mad because you cooked a chicken and your husband didn't tell you your guests were vegetarian?  I'm sorry but if Joey had his secretary call me to tell me that he was bringing home six guests for lunch I would tell his secretary to tell him to jump off a cliff.  (Actually I'm pretty sure a certain four letter word would be used instead).  I don't give a damn whether your guests eat meat or beans or freaking pistachios because they aren't coming to my house for lunch on two hour's notice.  Ha!  Can you imagine?!

They gave us a little card when we left.  It read:

When you take your seat

Or excuse yourself at Thanksgiving Dinner

Remember to:

Enter and Exit your chair from the Right.

Leave your napkin on your chair if

You are returning for Seconds.

Pass the Turkey Platter to the Right.

Your dinner roll is to your Left.

And

If someone tries to beat you to the 

Last piece of Pumpkin Pie,

It's a JAB with the LEFT,

and HOOK with the RIGHT.

Happy Thanksgiving

People Don't Kill People, Guns Kill People

Joey, six other friends and I went to the NRA shooting range at the NRA Headquarters in Virginia last night.  The first thing I noticed when we pulled into the parking garage was the three burly soldiers leaving the range with their steel gun cases in tow.  As we made our way down the ramp, we spotted a "PHOTOGRAPHY IS STRICTLY PROHIBITED" sign, much to the chagrin of George and me, as we both really wanted our picture taken shooting the gun.  This was quickly forgotten as soon as the door opened and you could hear it.  I think Sujata put it best: "I thought they had raquetball courts here too until I realized those were guns firing."  Even behind the glass the sound of guns was so loud!  I winced every time one went off, and with 12 lanes of people firing guns, that was a lot.

We were greeted by two men with handlebar mustaches and shaved heads and one petite, twenty-something girl, all in their red "NRA Shooting Range" polos.  She gave us a safety test and ushered us off into a classroom; she told us "cheating is encouraged, because we want you to know the answers."  Twenty-five questions later, we were back at the desk.  While one of the handlebars checked us into two lanes, the girl made us NRA shooting range identification cards.  Then half of the group went to the waiting room, and I put on my headphones and goggles and headed into the range with Joey and Lee.

Lee was in the Navy, so he has some serious experience with shooting, and was nice enough to let us use his guns - a 9mm and a glock? - 42 caliber pistol maybe?  Anyway, Lee got us set up in the lane with the guns and the ammnuition and then left Joey to instruct me on the art of shooting.  The night before, all of us gathered at our friend Tom's house.  Lee brought his guns to Tom's house for an instructional session on how to safely use them.  So we'd practiced picking up the gun safely, not ever pointing it at anyone, even if its unloaded, putting the magazine in the gun, checking the chamber, etc.  Handling an unloaded gun is kind of cool.  Its like, wow, this is a gun.  This could kill someone.  But its still abstract when there are no bullets and when you are not surrounded by the sound of gunfire.

And oh my God, the sound of gunfire - I thought it was loud on the other side of the glass.  Once we entered the actual range - I don't even know how to adequately explain it.  It was like gunfire - everywhere - and every gun sounded like a canon - and the headphones made every other sound so muffled that it was like listening to people talk underwater, peppered every few seconds with a blast.  My earlier wincing turned into jumping and I can't even imagine what I must have looked like, dressed in my multi-color minidress, black cardigan, black tights and ballet flats, wearing bright blue headphones and safety goggles, cowering over my purse and jerking every time a gun went off.  Thankfully, I believe every man in there was completely engrossed in his gun(s), so no one was looking at me.

So once Joey put the magazine in the gun and handed it to me, I started sweating.  No longer was killing some abstract concept associated with the gun.  The reverberations of the guns firing so close on either side, coupled with the empty casings flying everywhere, and the weight of a loaded gun in my hand were a very stark reminder of just what deadly power I was holding and I did not like it.  First of all, I am clumsy as all hell and just the idea that if I accidentally dropped this thing it could kill me or Joey or some other unsuspecting fool was really overwhelming.  Then, when you are so close to all these other people firing their guns you can see the kickback from the gun when you shoot it.  I was so nervous that when I fired the gun I wouldn't be able to control the kickback and it would fly out of my hands and the gun would fire at me instead of down the lane.  (Nevermind that once I fired the gun the bullet would be long gone, even I did drop the damn thing, but when you've got gunfire all around you and this heavy killing machine in your hand rational thoughts aren't really available.)  Anyway, Joey patiently showed me again how to hold it and how to fire it and helped me get it in my hand right and so I aimed it at the target and thought "well, its now or never, you can stand here all night pointing the damn gun" so I fired it.

OHMYGODITWASSOSCARY!  The recoil from the gun is even worse than it looks and I thought my heart was going to beat out of my chest.  That thing is heavy and when it fires it really moves your whole upper body!  Also, I had one of my thumbs on the wrong side and the chamber hit it when it fired and that freaking hurt (didn't draw any blood unlike when Tom made the same mistake later).  So Joey helped me move my hand and one of the mustached guys came over and told me to really get a grip on the gun with my whole palm and so a little shaken but determined I firmly grasped the gun and fired again.

OHMYGODITWASSOSCARY!  Really not any better this time.  In fact I am pretty sure I hated it even more.  But I thought, "okay, maybe you just have to get used to this" and so, sweating through my cashmere cardigan, I shot one more time.  Same.  I put the gun down, looked at Joey and said "Okay, I'm done."

He looked at me, a little surprised and said "That's all?"

"Yes, I'm done."  So he picked up the gun and fired the rest of the magazine into the target, pulled the target toward us, handed it to me, and off I went into the waiting room to send another of our friends into the range for their turn.  My head was buzzing as I settled into one of the leather chairs and waited for everybody to take their turn.  After about an hour, somehow I got talked into trying it one more time (I think it was after watching Sujata march out there and shoot three freaking bullets right into the heart of the target her first time out that I was like, okay, Melissa, man up, go try again).  So I put my headphones and goggles back on and luckily this time there were less people in the range.  Only three other lanes were in use besides our two, so instead of twelve different guns firing at once, there were only five.  Joey quickly showed me how to hold the gun again and I pointed and fired and

OHMYGODITWASSOSCARY!  Seriously, I really don't know any other way to describe how freaking terrifying shooting that gun was.  I really thought that my second time in, after watching everybody else do it and survive, that it would be better but no, I'm pretty sure it was worse.  Joey looked at me and said "Calm down" but I really couldn't.  I fired three more times, each time completely terrified that the recoil was going to throw the gun out of my hands and then I put the gun down again.  The overwhelming knowledge that this weapon is deadly was just too much for me to handle in good conscience.  Joey told me later that everytime I picked up the gun my whole body started shaking.  I thought that was just on the inside!  So again, Joey finished the magazine, I took my target and went back to the waiting room and filed my nails until everyone was finished. 

While I watched everybody take their turn shooting the guns, I couldn't help but notice how out of place all of us yuppies looked.  One man to the right of our lane was dressed in a camel colored tee, white-washed jeans and hiking boots- he had a big gun in a holster on one hip and a little gun in a holster on the other hip and in between shooting those guns he shot his giant, laser-guided, M-14 air-rifle.  That puppy was LOUD.  Seriously every time he fired that it shook the room a little bit.  He was in there the whole time we cycled through and he shot from his feet, from a chair, laying down on the ground.  Intense.  And creepy.

A few lanes down from that guy was group of rednecks, outfitted in straggly long hair, tank tops, ripped jeans, flannel and trucker hats.  They took turns firing off their guns at paper plates (targets cost 50 cents each) about ten feet from their face.

Next to them was the most intense dude in the place.  He was wearing khaki cargo pants, a short sleeved khaki oxford, a khaki utility belt and military boots.  He had a shaved head and carried several guns, including one in a massive case.  He would get into a stance, quickly grab a gun from his holster, fire it a few times, grab another magazine from his utility belt, fire the gun a few more times, grab another magazine and fire the gun again.  He'd look over both shoulders and then fire and it was seriously like he was doing drills of some sort the whole time.  I'm pretty sure the emblem on his giant rifle case was Marines, and he definitely looked like a mercenary.

My target - most of those bullet holes were made by Joey.

Suffice it to say (8000 words later), while the NRA range was an exper- ience I will never forget, I don't think I ever want to go there again.

Musings

One of the neatest things about Joey's new job is all the different people I feel fortunate to have met.  For example, last night I met one of his classmates, Julie.  This is Julie's second time around in the Foreign Service.  Something like twenty years ago, she joined the foreign service for the first time and met a Spanish diplomat, whom she married.  She left the foreign service, became a dual citizen in Spain, and traveled around with her husband as the "trailing spouse," until a few years ago.  Now she is back in the US Foreign Service and headed to Luanda, Angola, in the next few days.  She had some really interesting insights, given that she's lived the life as both the officer and the spouse, and she suggested that for the first six months I get involved in everything I can.  She told me to join every book club, womens' club, international club, whatever is available, to meet as many people and make as many connections as possible.  She said that's the best way to make friends outside of the embassy, especially in a place like Abuja, where the diplomatic community is very tight.  She also raised her kids abroad - her daughter is 17 and a freshman in college - this is her first time living in the United States!  What a whole different perspective.

Our new friends speak so many different languages and have lead such interesting and unique lives - I really feel privileged to have gotten to know so many of them.  Take for example our friend Sujata, who is going to Paris.  She was born in India and moved to the US when she was five.  She speaks French, Hindu, Urdu, English (better than I do) and I think Russian too!  Our friend, George, was a game show host in China - apparently the Chinese equivalent of Bob Barker! 

Anyway, in an effort to keep busy in Abuja, I applied for a job.  Its a part-time accounting position (though I think its a lot more book-keeping than anything else) through the employee services association, which isn't affiliated with the Embassy.  They operate the commissary as well as a few other things to make life a little easier for all the diplomats living in Abuja.  Tuesday morning I spoke with Jordan, the general manager there, who is accompanying his wife on her first tour for the "High Commission."  I believe that means she is a British diplomat for the UN there.  Don't quote me on that, though; I'm still trying to figure out what everything means on the American end, let alone the international spectrum.  Anyway, he said that I had a leg up, given my EFM status (Eligible Family Member - aka on the travel orders of the diplomat and a US citizen), and because I actually have an accounting degree.  He said he'd get back to me by the end of this week or the beginning of the next, after speaking with the board of directors, so I guess we'll see.  I doubt it'll pay well but at least it'll give me something to do, an outlet to meet people and feel like I'm accomplishing something too.  Besides, retirement at 26 isn't all its cracked up to be.  Ha.

Today's dilemma is what kind of car to buy for Abuja.  We just received this info:

3D4.  A variety of Japanese, European, Korean and some US brand automobiles are in common use in Nigeria.  Embassy personnel will find that sedans are adequate for most movements within Abuja.  Some may prefer four-wheel drive vehicles/SUVs, despite their higher gas consumption, for their ability to tackle rougher road conditions (particularly those outside the capital ring road).  These vehicles also make it easier to see over smaller vehicles and extend your range of vision.  Please note, however, that armed carjacking is a problem in Nigeria, as it is in a number of other countries.  Carjackers prefer newer, high-end European or Japanese SUVs.  Incoming Mission personnel should consider these factors before deciding on the vehicle that will best suit their needs here.

Lovely.

Today is a beautiful day!  Monday and Tuesday were really rainy and dreary here and this morning the sun is shining.  Today is also great because I don't have to haul anybody anywhere or sit in traffic for hours on end.  Last Tuesday I had to ride with Joey to work to get my first rabies shot and then sit in traffic for an hour on the way home.  Then last Wednesday George and I dropped Joey off at work and then went to the vet and then sat in traffic for an hour on the way home.  Thursday we had a mini-reprieve with our day trip to Annapolis but then Friday I had to fight traffic to drop the car off at the shop (stupid convertible top broken again) and then wait for an hour to catch the shuttle to the metro stop which is another half hour from my house.  Then Friday afternoon I had to take the metro to the shuttle pick-up, wait 45 minutes for that and then fight traffic on the way home from the dealership.  Monday Max went to the vet so we dropped Joey off at work and then fought traffic for an hour on the way home from his appointment.  Yesterday I had to go with Joey to get my second rabies shot, but first we had to pick up our friend James since his car was in the shop, which took an extra 45 minutes, then fight traffic for an hour on the way home, pick up Moe and immediately turn back around to take him for his rabies shot, which meant another half hour on the way there and half hour on the way back (traffic had thankfully dissipated by 11 am).  So today, when Joey's left for work alone it was wonderful!  I curled up with George and Moe under my warm covers and went back to sleep.

Tonight is the first send-off happy hour.  Our friend, Sujata, leaves Monday for post!  Even though she is the first to leave, none of us feel too badly for her, as she is headed to Paris.  And you should see the pictures of her 3 bedroom, 3 bathroom, gorgeous apartment with marble and crown-molding right smack dab between the Eiffel Tower and the Champs-Elysees.   I think that her rent is something like $5000 a month (not that she has to pay it, but that gives you an idea of how fabulous her new place is).  After the happy hour we are gathering at our friend Tom's house to learn how to shoot guns because tomorrow we're all going to the shooting range, which should really be an experience.  Especially since only two out of the eight of us has ever even touched a gun before (that would be Joey and Lee, who was in the Navy).  Stories to come...

Pics

Picasa is frustrating me.  I don't know how to get it to do what I want it to.  But if you click on the picture, it'll take you to my web album of all the pictures I took the other day at Dumbarton Oaks Park.  Its just of leaves -
but they were incredible.
  

We are moving to Malibu!

The Malibu housing complex in Abuja, that is.  Pictures to come.

On the balcony of the Newseum

We had a great time this last weekend with Mallory and Steve - I think the highlight was our use of the Capital Bike Share program - we biked all around the city - from the Eastern Market past the Supreme Court and Capitol to the Newseum to the White House to the Washington Monument to the Jefferson Memorial to the Lincoln Memorial  - we saw a ton and it was a lot of fun too!  Plus I know Mallory and Steve wanted to see my mad skills on the segway but I'm pretty sure my graceful way of riding a bike sufficed.

At Arlington National Cemetery

Mal and me at The Gibson for drinks Sunday night

So much going on right now!  We have a little over a month left in town and it already feels like we are running out of time!  Busy busy busy!  Fun things to look forward to:

1. Lizz is coming for Thanksgiving!

2. Just bought tickets to the Joffrey Ballet's performance of The Nutcracker at the Kennedy Center!

3. Lauren is coming the first weekend in December!

4. A tentative trip to New York City with some friends, including a possible visit to our friend Tom's family home, which given his fabulous New-Yorker accent and attitude should be an experience in and of itself.

5. Bought my ticket home for Christmas!  Flying home the 17th so I imagine that by the time the 26th rolls around my family and I will be ready for me to move to Nigeria.

Not so fun things to look forward to:

1. Rabies #s 2 and 3, Meningitis, and Polio vaccinations (Last Tuesday I got Yellow Fever and this Tuesday I got Rabies #1).  I did get Polio as a child, but since Nigeria is like one of two countries where Polio is rampant I have to get a booster.  And while I got the Meningitis vaccine before college, it only lasts for 4 years so I have to get another.  And this doesn't count the Typhoid pills that I have to take next week (apparently they make you sick as a dog but are worth trying to get through because they last for five years and the shot is only good for two), or the Malaria pills that Joey and I will have to take every week in Nigeria.

2.  Multiple vet visits wit the dogs.  George got his new Rabies vaccination Wednesday, Max gets his Monday and Moe gets his Tuesday.  Each dog also has to be seen in December too, 48 hours prior to our departure.  Not sure how that's going to work, what with Joey and me both returning from Des Moines the 26th, packing out the 27th and flying the 28th, and we probably won't even have a car then - but we'll figure it out. 

3. Spending money like its going out of style.  Oh my God, seriously.  We had dinner on Tuesday night with John and his wife, who just returned from Abuja.  John was the GSO there and now they are moving to Colombia (their first choice).  John told us we will save a ton of money living in Abuja (they saved enough for their son's college in two years), but we have to plan it right because everything there is so expensive.  This means we have to buy every consumable we think we will use for the next two years now and the government will ship it over for us.  So huge outlay of cash now (think all the shampoo, conditioner, toothpaste, paper towels, toilet paper, cleaning products, beer, dog food, the list goes on forever, that you use in two years), but that is basically all there is to spend your money on in Abuja.  Not many restaurants, not much shopp
ing, so I guess it is what it is.  Not to mention that we had to buy the dogs new kennels (airline approved for each of them) and the new car (because my Eos just isn't going to cut it in Nigeria) and about a million other things...

Anyway, back to our dinner the other night with the couple that just got back from Abuja - they said they really liked it there.  That they knew the guy who wrote all the nasty post reports and that he went in with a bad attitude and really didn't make friends.  They said they had a great experience and that sometimes they actually miss it.  So that was very reassuring!  They also offered answers to our million questions, which was so helpful. 

Since Joey got yesterday off for Veteran's Day (got to love working for the government), we decided to take a day trip to Annapolis.  The weather was crisp and sunny and the trees were in their full fall splendor - bright, candy apple red, burgundy, pumpkin orange and warm gold, yellow mixed in with pine trees - it was just gorgeous.  We wandered around town all day, explored the Naval Academy, and even met some of our friends for a lunch of fresh blue crabs.  All in all I would say it was a perfect day.  Thanks to all you Veterans, especially you, Papa, for your sacrifice so that we all can enjoy days like that.

The darling row of Captains' houses at the Naval Academy

Joey and his crabs at lunch

The Fleet Reserve put on a little ceremony yesterday at 11 AM (the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month) for Veteran's Day.  I didn't realize it when I took this picture but that poor Marine marched around a whole traffic circle with his face accidentally enshrouded in the flag.  A testament to his marching skills I suppose.