its really not that bad

In all fairness I feel I should say its really not that bad here.  Really.  I mean, sure there was a lizard on the wall in our bedroom and the next morning a giant ass cockroach almost crawled on my foot in the kitchen (Joey, who heard my blood curdling scream from the other room, found me cowering on top of the dining room chair clutching a paring knife). 

And then there's the Harmatan, which is what they call all the dust and sand that blows south from the Sahara that covers everything with a thin layer of film - when you lick your lips you can taste the dirt - and by dusk the haze is so thick you can't see any of the giant rock formations around town and it looks as though a tornado is about to blow through when actually its so dry you wake up with a sore throat. 

But seriously, besides the minor meltdowns which my poor husband bravely bears, I feel really lucky to be here.  I am really enjoying myself. 

Yesterday on my way to the Embassy I saw three station wagons completely coated in colorful political posters and completely full of Nigerians all dressed in traditional African dress (long pants, ankle-length tunic, fez) who would all get out of the cars at each intersection and dance to the tinny reggae-sounding music blaring from the car speakers.

Most of the restaurants here are supposed to be mediocre at best, and rather expensive.  So far we've been to two (three if you count the fish market but that's an entirely different experience); one was good (enough - I mean we just spent the last four months eating out practically every night in culinary heaven) and the other one was not - so we've had to cook every meal.  Which is a challenge because 1. we don't have a dishwasher or a garbage disposal, and 2. although groceries are not hard to find, it is hard to swallow the cost ($8 for corn flakes.  Seriously.) 

Unless you want to buy a goat out of the back of some guy's trunk.  Because you can.  He was parked outside of the one of the restaurants and about twenty hooves were hanging out of the hatchback.  Our sponsors said that was okay but for really fresh meat we should go to the Wuse (Woo-say) Market and you can choose your animal while its still alive.  That way you know its fresh.  We did go to the Wuse Market but steered clear of the meat.  Actually there was nothing clear about the Wuse Market - it was this crazy, authentic, African market.  Stuffed full of people and fruit and fish and everything under the sun.  It was loud and smelly and colorful and overwhelming.  Actually I think that's how I'd sum up Nigeria so far.  Loud and smelly (not necessarily in a bad way, just a lot of new odors), and colorful and overwhelming. 

Many men and women wear traditional West African garb here, and its beautiful.  The women wear these long tailored dresses with mermaid skirts in brightly colored patterns with matching headresses that go in every which direction.  And it is so cool how so many people carry things on their heads.  I mean its amazing to see some woman in her brightly colored mermaid skirt (not easy to run in) dash across the street with a giant plate of plantains perfectly balanced on her head.  Or yesterday I saw a guy wandering down the street with a two-foot stack of papers on his head.  Papers!  I mean can you imagine if that fell over what it would look like?  He's just walking around like its no big deal.  Or they'll carry plates of these little round orange fruits, I'm not sure what they're called, but you'd think those suckers would roll around and roll off the giant plate on their head.  Nope.  It makes sense, especially at places like Wuse Market where its so crowded, to take advantage of vertical space, but it really is amazing.  As you would expect, everyone has perfect posture.  (I just sat up straight in my chair). 

People are friendly - everyone thinks you're rich because you're white (called Oyibo, pronounced "Oh-Ee-Bo") and you definitely have to bargain - but overall its safe.  And has peacocks!  I don't think they're wild here, unlike the chickens that roam the streets, but it was still cool to come upon them.  Every day its something cool and different like that and I'm really enjoying taking it all in.  I promise I've been taking tons of pictures and will upload them as soon as I can - we just have to wait for the internet guy to get back from his village where we went to get married.  It seems like everything is just a little funny like that.  Anyway, I've rambled on enough for now - forgive me its my first time writing anything down since we arrived - its been such a whirlwind.

does switching to geico really save you 15% on car insurance?

"Oh. My. God." I yelled as I stood in the doorway of our bedroom.

"What?"  Joey replied from downstairs.

"Ohmygodohmygodohmygod there is a lizard on the wall!" I screamed, frozen in fear as I stared at the eight-inch long gecko on the wall next to my bed.

"What?!"

"Get the F*** up here there is a Fing lizard on the wall!"

So Joey bounded up the steps - we agreed I would go downstairs to get something to catch it and he would watch it to make sure it didn't move.  I ran downstairs, and after making my way through the iron gate at the bottom grabbed my camera, an empty 2L Aquafina bottle, a piece of paper and a juice glass.  When I returned the gecko was nowhere in sight.

"Where'd it go?" I asked Joey as he is casually searching the curtains.

"I don't know - it ran away." 

"There is a gecko loose in our bedroom?!"  I'm frantic, and at this point I'm standing on top of our bed in my sheer little black robe clutching my camera, the water bottle, the paper and the glass. 

Did I mention its 2:30 am?  George decided he needed water around 1:30 and after about half an hour of listening to him scratch at the door we finally acquiesed and decided we might as well have some tea.  It was when I returend upstairs with my teacup that I made this lovely discovery. 

"That's what you brought me to catch it?" Joey asked me, incredulously, while trying desparately not to laugh.

"What the hell do you expect me to bring you?  I grew up in Iowa and I find a Fing lizard on the wall and you think I'm going to know how to catch the Fing thing?" Yes, I have a potty mouth.  And it was in full swing at 2:30 am with a lizard on the wall in my bedroom.  Or rather a lizard running loose in my bedroom.  "And its not funny!"

Joey is now laughing hysterically, while I am just hysterical.  "Get it! Where'd it go?!  Get the Fing thing!"

He points to the window and says that it probably went out this little hole and that he looked everywhere and can't find it - tells me this story about how even the nicest hotel rooms in Hawaii get lizards in there all the time and that its no big deal - they eat mosquitos.

Clearly I am not convinced.  I go downstairs and come back up with the step ladder.  Joey searches for another fifteen minutes (meanwhile our entire pack of three worthless dogs is hiding under the bed, probably more due to me freaking out than the lizard), and finally declares the search over.  Relunctantly, after checking under the blankets of course, I crawl back into bed.  Joey looks over and asks "Will you turn out the lights?"

"Hell no."

"Some of them?  Please?"

So I turned off all the overhead lights, but left my lamp on.  I read for the next few hours (and glancing to the wall every few minutes) until I was so tired I finally had no choice but to fall asleep. 

The next day I told our sponsor, Ibrahim, an American FSO who is originally from Nigeria, that we found a lizard on the wall in our bedroom.  He responded knowingly in his sing-song Nigerian accent, "Oh a wall gecko!  Those are little things - they won't hurt you!  Sometimes they'll crawl on your face at night while you're sleeping and leave a little scratch, but otherwise you'll never know they're there."

Oh I'll know.

we drove

Yes, Sunday after Joey returned from his unsuccessful trip to the airport we decided to make a run for it.  I packed up my stuff and Dad drove us to the airport for the third time that day to pick up a rental car.  We got on the road about 2 pm and pulled into DC 15 and 1/2 hours later (16 with the time change).  You would think that with a blizzard so bad flights were cancelled for two days there'd be snow on the ground...but we arrived to a beautiful, albeit windy, sunny morning in DC.  Seriously the roads in Iowa, Illinois, Indiana and Maryland were totally dry.  There was a little snow in Ohio and Pennsylvania which slowed us down slightly, but neither of us saw anything that could warrant such delays and cancellations.  I guess the airlines won again.

Some highlights from the drive include the gas station attendant who upon ringing me up for two coffees and three Five Hour Energies suggested "sleep is cheaper," and cheap therapy in the form of Chumbawumba singing "I Get Knocked Down," followed by Hansen's "Mmm Bop" and then Toto's "Africa" song.  In true Melissa fashion I somehow managed to drop all of Joey's cards from his wallet outside the rest stop in Pennsylvania which blew every which way while he was off getting gas.  When he found me inside I asked him to check and make sure all his cards were there, which resulted in us in a panicked search for his American Express (we found it).  We're still reeling from the $15 toll in Ohio though and another $13.90 in Pennsylvania. 

So we got home at 6:30 am, and once we got situated with the dog sitter (and the dogs), we had about two hours to spare before the movers arrived.  Joey and I both passed out for an hour and then started preparing for the move.  Thank God the movers were professional and competent because we were so unorganized and out of it.  I wish that I had been able to pack my suitcases more deliberately because what's in them is all I'm going to see for at least six weeks but probably more like two to three months until our UAB (unaccompanied air baggage) arrives and probably five to six months before we see our HHE (household effects).  But I only had to have the movers go through three packed boxes for things I forgot to put in my suitcase - malaria pills and sunscreen - you think those might come in handy?  I'm also pretty sure we're going to get charged a boatload of cash for overweight baggage because both Joey and I packed our suitcases way beyond 50 lbs but whatever, I know I don't need fifteen sundresses to get me through six weeks but I want fifteen sundresses and if that's what makes me feel sane in our move to what feels like the final frontier so be it. 

The movers left right about five o'clock which gave Joey and me just enough time to pile the dogs in the car (who had been in their kennels all day and were beyond wired) and take them to the vet for their 48 hour pre-travel health certification.  For some reason the act of taking their temperatures, listening to their hearts and filling out the paperwork took almost two hours and cost $500 but whatever, we're finally freaking done.  Well no, there's actually about a million last minute errands to run today that we would have run Sunday but at least the dogs should be good to go. 

So after arranging for the transfer of our first-born to the vet, we were finally done for the day.  Our friends Lee and James came over for a few hours with pizza and prosecco and wine and beer and wished us a really heartfelt farewell.  It was the first time in the last few days we'd really actually reflected on leaving, rather than on the scramble to be able to leave, and I have to say I'm glad for the bottle of prosecco they brought me as well as the great company.  We passed out around ten but for some reason I am up now - nerves, probably.  Truly the last 60 hours or so have been so frenetic that its just registering now that we will be at the airport in less than twelve hours.  I'm sad that my goodbye to my parents and sisters was overshadowed by the daunting drive, but almost grateful for it as well.  I really had hoped to spend our last night in Des Moines playing games and drinking wine but at least it didn't turn into the hard, tearful farewell that I worried about.

I suppose I should at least go try to lie in bed for a while, seeing as when the alarm goes off at 7 we have to sell the car, finish packing our carry-ons (I have no idea how I'm going to fit my jewelry case.  Seriously no idea.), clean the apartment, arrange transportation to the airport, check out with our landlord and go to FSI to make photocopies of the vet documents and get a Typhoid shot.  And be at the airport no later than 3.  Nothing like the last minute.  But we still can't believe that we pulled off the packout in the first place, so tomorrow's nothing compared to today.

Anyway, thanks to everybody for the well wishes, both on the holidays and in the last few days.  We'll miss you all so much and your support really means the world as we embark on the craziest journey of our lives.  I really can't believe we're actually moving to Africa.  Today.  Here goes nothing!

a harbinger?

Today is December 26th.  Our packout is tomorrow morning, December 27th, at 8 am.  Our flight to Abuja leaves on Tuesday, December 28th.  And we are stranded in Des Moines.

My flight was originally scheduled this morning at 7 am.  Joey's was scheduled at 10.  Last night I received a late Christmas gift of coal from Delta who called to inform me that my flight had been cancelled and I had been reassigned to a flight leaving here at 3 pm and getting into DC almost twelve hours after my original flight was due to land.  Pain in the ass enough if all you have to do is go to work Monday morning - giant fing catastrophe if you're scheduled to be packed out Monday morning to move to Nigeria for two years! 

Obviously I am freaking out.  Saying goodbye to my family to move to BFE is bad enough and now we are adding travel delays starting in Des Moines - I can only imagine what the next few days are going to be like.  I took Joey to the airport an hour ago.  As soon as I got back to my parents' house the phone rang: Joey.  His flight is cancelled.  The earliest American Airlines thinks he'll be able to get into DC is 10 pm.  TOMORROW.  No big deal, we're not moving to Africa or anything.

Oh, and by the way, if we don't get to Nigeria before the first of the year we have to spend an extra month there.  Our two days in December count for the whole month of December.  So if we don't get there in December, that month doesn't count.

So Lizz and Ashley are on their way to the airport to pick up Joey.  Who is currently working the American Airlines counter on his ticket and making sure with the Delta counter that my ticket is still a go.  Because the people at American told him that no flights are landing on the East Coast today and that mine will probably be cancelled as well.  So I guess we'll see.  When I took Joey to the airport he said that as we begin our life of international travel we should probably just learn to roll with the punches but quite frankly I feel more like I dropped the soap.

crap, etc.

Under this pile is a bed.  A queen size one.

We finally finished our consum- ables shop- ping.  And by we I mean I.  Except appar- ently I didn't get enough mayonnaise because Joey doesn't think the two jars will be enough to make tuna salad out of the 40 cans of tuna we bought or the 42 cans of salmon.  No, that is not hyperbole, we seriously bought 82 cans of meat which is currently sitting in our guest bedroom.  Or what used to be a guest bedroom.  The whole queen size bed is covered in food and paper products; there is a little tiny path for Joey to get to his closet and dresser.  In fact our consumables/supplies have spilled over to our living room; there are tires piled next to the toilet paper next to the dining table. After four trips to Costco, a trip to Trader Joe's, Whole Foods, Giant (like Hy-Vee), two trips to Target, two trips to Walmart, a trip to Marshall's, BareMinerals, and orders from six different stores online, we spent a grand total of $8,052 and the craziest part is we probably won't see any of this stuff for at least three months, because that is how long it will take for our HHE (household effects) to get to us.  Joey put it best: "When I imagined becoming a diplomat, loading the back of a truck with tires and toilet paper wasn't exactly what I pictured."

Trying to finagle the bags in the trunk of my tiny car in the snowstorm today was tons of fun.

In case you need 24 gallons of motor oil or a shelving unit, we have those, as well as three "hamster" water bottles for the dogs' kennels.

For perspective - just enough room to fit Joey

lauren!

I figured before I posted about our insane weekend in NYC I should put up my stuff from the weekend before.  Lauren was so nice to come visit us and take our minds off the omnipresent craziness of our international move.   The weekend was a bit of a whirlwind, but we really enjoyed the company.  Lauren had been to DC before and let me take her to some less mainstream places I'd been wanting to visit.  And, since Lauren is a frequent traveler too, she even introduced me to a bar I wish I'd found before, because I know both my sisters would have loved it.

Friday night after a scrumptious dinner at Ray's Hell Burger (its sister restaurant, or maybe I should say brother, Ray's the Steaks, is a really swanky restaurant in town.  They take all the unused tenderloin and ground it into burgers.  Yum.), Lauren and I dropped Joey off (it was past his bedtime) and headed to the W Hotel right next to the White House.

Leaving the bar Friday night

She'd read about the bar on the roof, called POV, and its fabulous view of the White House and the Washington Monument.  Sure enough, we were not disappointed.  We even managed to find a table!  In addition to the fabulous conversation we were also entertained by a fight between several male patrons.  Lauren and I were more appalled by their throwing around $15 drinks than punches.

Saturday we went over to President Woodrow Wilson's house and took a very thorough tour.  The docent was very nice and exceptionally informed.  President Wilson's second wife, Edith, maintained almost everything original from the house, so it was really neat to see.  I especially loved the old, concert grand Steinway piano - I wish I'd played in the last few years so I could have played something on that when the docent asked.

After the Woodrow Wilson house we headed over to the Society of the Cincinnati Anderson House.  It was built in 1905 for something absurd like $7 million dollars and wow, was it incredible.  Before our tour we were lucky enough to stumble upon a free concert in the grand hall of the home; a famous Army opera singer (who earned Joey's respect upon reading in the program that he'd sung at Ronald Reagan's funeral) accompanied by a very talented pianist regaled us with Italian love songs and "Oh, Holy Night."

Just gorgeous - Joey said he thought it was prettier than the Sistene Chapel.

The fabulous stairwell with custom-made tapestry by Dega.

French drawing room - the English drawing room had the same beautiful gilt.

This is where the concert took place.  These pictures don't even being to do the Anderson House justice.

Saturday night we headed over to the Spy Museum for their "Spy at Night" interactive spy experience, which though exceptionally hokey, was pretty fun too.  Then we headed over to Potenza for a fabulous Italian dinner.  Sunday was pretty low-key, with a delicious lunch at 2 Amys' Pizza and just some driving around town, checking out the sites but staying warm in the car at the same time.  We'd planned to visit the Portrait Gallery but made the unfortunate assumption that we'd be able to find a parking space.  By the time we drove around the block four times and decided the closest parking spot would be at home, it was too late to drive home, walk to the gallery, peruse the collection, walk home and get Lauren to the airport in time.  We actually found a parking spot as soon as we got to the Portrait Gallery; there were about fifty cars, all parked in the back-in, angle parking and there was spot open.  Sweet!  So we backed the car in and right as Joey went to shut off the ignition a man came over to the car.  He pointed to the sign which said in the most confusing manner that back-in, angle parking ended at 2 pm only on Sundays and said if we found a different parking spot we'd be fifty dollars richer.  He said he comes down every Sunday at 1:45 to try and help people out.  Sure enough, as we drove around the block looking for a space to parallel park the car, we saw the meter maid back-in, angle park her car and then proceed to ticket every car parked the same way.  Nice.

what a bunch of crap

Wow time is winding down so fast now.  Tomorrow we leave for NYC for the weekend, then when we get back I only have five days here until I head home for Christmas.  Then its ten days at home, fly back here on the 26th, pack out on the 27th and leave on the 28th.   AAAAAGHHHHHHH!

We have been so busy with getting everything ready- and I really think we're going to use every last minute to do so.  We probably shouldn't go to New York this weekend, but we planned it back during our delusional phase, and now I think it will be kind of nice to not have to deal with it for the weekend.  A week from now when I'm up all night getting everything packed I'll probably be kicking myself in the ass, but I suppose that once I get to Abuja I'll won't regret spending one of my last weekends in the bustling, holiday fabulousness that is NYC.

Our cart - Costco visit #2

It feels like we've been doing nothing but shopping lately.  And not the fun kind.  Do you think I have any cute new outfits to wear to New York?  No.  Why?  Because all of our money is being spent on shampoo and ziplocs and giant boxes of instant oatmeal.  And because what is the point of getting some cute new sweater when you can't wear it again for two years and by then will probably be out of style.  Yesterday I spent all day shopping online for stuff for the move.  All day.  I really don't know how it took so long but I had a headache by the time I picked Joey up from work.  Heartworm and flea/tick prevention for the dogs, airline kits for the dogs, vitamins and supplements for us - none of this is fun stuff.  I did end up buying two new pairs of shoes...but they were only $15 dollars each so I'd hardly call it a splurge.  They're called Footzy Rolls and they roll up into a teeny little ball and you can store them in your purse for when you can't take your high heels any more.  I bought a pair of black ballet flats and black flip flops.  I think they'll come in handy quite frequently, even in Abuja.  Maybe in Abuja.  I digress... 

So before we started buying all of our consumables for two years (started - definitely have another trip or two to Costco, a trip to Target, a trip to Trader Joe's, Giant and hopefully then we're done....hmm looks like we're going to Costco tonight...) we hardly had room for everything in our house.  Actually we didn't have room for everything in our house.  A quarter of our guest room was boxes.  Well now its about three quarters.  Joey's poor friend, Bill, is coming the weekend I head to Des Moines and unfortunately he's going to have to camp out on our couch because half of the guest bed has turned into our moving staging area.  Here are some pictures: 

What was once a bed is now storage.  In the foreground is Joey's dresser which he now shares with the chocolate stash.  In the background you can see our new suitcases.

More food, sandwiched between the dresser and bed.  Now Joey and I can start that bean shelf, Mom!

The other corner of the room includes Christmas decorations that wasted weight in our UAB as well as dog kennels that are not airline approved.

More of that side of the room - our new TV, a multi-system or multi-region or something like that; several bags of coffee, dog bones, and the stack of boxes on the left is all of the new transformers Joey bought.

Just to give you a sense of the room - this was taken from the door.  Pretty full.