bats

The bats are back.  Last year about this time we experienced the same nightly migration of the creepy things over our house; sometimes they'd even dip into the pool for a sip (yuck).  This year we have an added bonus:  they've taken up their evening residence in the trees in our compound.

I can't even begin to describe the chirping of thousands of bats that is so loud I can hear it through my window from inside my house, but it's unnerving enough that I am now terrified to take the dogs out at night.  I wish I could take a picture of all them in the trees, but it's dark and they're dark and I'm not really willing to play with my tripod and camera outside while bats are swooping around.  Shudder.

Seriously, how do you get a bat colony out of your trees?  Joey and I both got a series of rabies shots before we came; the dogs are up-to-date on their shots too.  I know bats aren't malevolent, but I just can't help but worry that with so many of those gross animals right there and at least three bathroom trips outside a night, we don't really have the best odds.

i'll catch up eventually

Joey and I just got back yesterday from a two week trip to Tanzania with his cousin and her husband.  Only a few weeks before that, we were lucky enough to spend 11 days in Italy with my family.  This should equate to something like 25 blog posts if I were to do each day of our travels justice, but that might take a while.  Oh, and I still have never blogged about my amazingly brave sister's visit to Nigeria.  Last May.  So I'm a little behind...

Right now, though, I'm squinting to see the computer screen from beside the pool.  I got a pretty good tan in Zanzibar and I'm trying to keep it up.  We'll see.

However, lest anyone think Joey and I are living too much a charmed life, I direct them to my sister, my last post, or to the owner of the desk next to mine, who discovered rat shit all over her workspace this morning (that creature was last spotted Thursday in the bathroom.  Remind me to never drink or eat before work again.  It's probably not healthy to hold it for five hours, but it's probably healthier than being bitten by a rat.  Or cobra.).  Maybe my office should put up a sign like this one erected outside the Abuja airport.

work hazards

I got an unexpected email at work a few weeks ago:

Subject: Security Alert ****Cobra



Hello 


Please it was reported this morning that a cobra was located at the pent house of this building.  I am working with the Post Occupational Safety and Health Officer on the best way to resolve this.


Please keep all windows locked; please ensure as you enter the office that the main entry door is locked and nothing is following you behind!


Please be vigilant until this serpent is captured or killed.


Regards


Isn't that fabulous?  The best part: we never got a follow-up.  For all I know, the serpent is still at large.  Lovely.

creepy crawly

 

Rainy season began to creep closer at the end of April.  With the frequent rain and wind also came these lovely creatures.  They're everywhere.  Ew.

bug pose

Well, yoga by the pool with the sun setting in the background seemed like a great idea.  I'm not really sure how considering most nights I'm willing to forgo comfort in the heat with long pants and long-sleeve shirts to avoid the mosquitos I didn't think they'd be just waiting for me by the pool.  So I spent the last hour down-dog swatting and smack- ing and now I will spend the next several days itching and scratching.  Ugh.

I also couldn't help but notice the infestation of dead flies in the pool.  My sister is coming to visit in the next few weeks (I am so excited!) - after seeing this lovely picture she is going to be excited too.

Then I noticed the giant pile of dead flies (are they even flies?) over by the drain - seriously, what in the world?  Our friends told us about one bug that if you smack while it's biting you, it causes a chemical burn and your skin blisters and peels.  Apparently around this time last year several people here experienced that first-hand.  I'm really hoping these flies/bugs/whatever are not the same.  Otherwise I guess I'll have some great pictures for my blog.

fruit

As one may imagine when living in a new climate, he or she will encounter many new flora and fauna.  As such, I have detailed my fauna discoveries (check out this little F***er I found stuck in a cobweb in my bathroom.  I left him there for three days (he was stuck) before I made Joey throw him away - HE WAS STILL ALIVE) and so I feel I should also pay homage to some of the flora around here.


This is called a soursop.  Nigerians pro- nounce it "show (like cow) - ah - shop."  We found it rather tasteless and slimy.  Apparently it has amazing medical benefits.  Maybe we'll juice it.

Did you know that cashews grow on apples and you can eat the apple?  We got really excited when we cut into the apple and it smelled like starfruit.  Then we ate the fruit which soaked up every last bit of moisture our mouths.  So we now know why those delicious little nuts are so expensive.  First you have to remove the apple from the cashew, roast the cashew to get it out of its shell (because the oil between the shell and the nut is poisonous), and then roast the nut.  Thank God for Planters.

For photos of a more interesting subject matter, click here.

my husband is an accidental comedian

I'll start with today.  Joey had to go to the dentist.  This is what his pants looked like when he was done.

Joey also baked me a cake for my birthday.  He is a wonderful husband.  Not so much a wonderful baker.  Actually the cake tasted delicious.  It just didn't look so pretty.

You may recall my birthday post complaint about the lizard in my bathroom.  You may also recall one of my first posts here about the lizard in my bedroom.  A. The first lizard was significantly bigger than the lizard in this photo.  B. Joey laughed me out of the bedroom when I appeared with a cup, water bottle and piece of paper.  Note the large mixing bowl and pot lid he brought up to catch lizard #85.

Don't forget the file folder.  Makes all the difference in the world when catching lizards.  Also, don't mind my swimsuits.  They were drying.

My steward is hilarious as well.  The other day I came home and she had braided Moe's hair.  Moe, our so-ugly-he's-cute dog with a mohawk, now had a corn-row instead.  I don't know why I didn't take a picture.  I'm really hoping she'll do it again.  I still don't know how she got him to sit.


Her reaction to our new garbage can was also comedy gold.  After cleaning up one too many messes in the kitchen courtesy of our dogs, I ordered an infared garbage can. You wave your hand over it and it automatically opens.  No germs.  Wonderful.  Well our steward was beyond amazed.  "Wooooow!  Oh wow! You oyibos think of everything!"  Then she asked us if she could bring the neighboring steward over to see it.  Um, ok?


Finally, I believe this to be one of the funniest pictures I've taken since arriving in Nigeria.  Apparently, as the token white people at the wedding we attended, one of our roles including holding babies and posing for pictures.  This little guy was only ten months old.  As they shoved him into my arms, Joey exclaimed "He's adorable!" 

He got very concerned looks from the mother and grandmother.  "He's HORRIBLE?  O he said the baby was horrible-oh!"


"No!" said Mr. Comedian.  "I said he's adorable!"


Sighs of relief were breathed by all.  Except me.  Because I was still holding the very adorable, very heavy baby.

cockroaches

I retract my earlier statement about not having seen a cockroach in the house since receiving the mothballs.  Just found one in the absolute worst location: my bedroom.  Biggest one yet, and did you know they flipping fly?  I'm taking out my earrings, exhausted, ready for bed and found it on the ceiling.  I immediately called for Joey, who came up with the bug spray - he hit the bug and it took off flying.  F-L-Y-I-N-G.  I ran to the other room and I hear him using my favorite four-letter word repeatedly. 

Me (screaming): "Why are you saying that?" 

Joey: "I can't find it." 

Me (still screaming): "Find the flipping thing." 

Joey: "I'm trying."  Eventually I hear the flap of his shoe.  And then again, and again, and again, and again.  "The damn thing won't die!" 


Its finally dead, and I even took a photo of it and the carnage it left in our bedroom from Joey's search.  FML.

Happenings

Oh my God the biggest hornet just buzzed by my head.  Inside.  Upstairs.  I don't even know if it was a hornet or a wasp or wtf it was but thank God our steward was here.  She killed it with my shoe since I was frozen in fear.  In other happenings on the bug front, we had two cockroaches last week - one in the living room and another in the dining room, which for some reason is even more frustrating than finding them in the kitchen.  But we also got our mothballs in the mail from Netgrocer and haven't seen any cockroaches since I put a few of those out, so they must be doing the trick.

My mom emailed me and asked my why I haven't been keeping up on my blog...I guess its one of those scenarios where if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.  I'm just really homesick.  Its not really that I miss Des Moines or Washington, DC in particular, and I feel like I've been doing an okay job at keeping in touch with family - its just that I miss all those things that we had in Des Moines and DC.  I miss our family and great friends, I miss the great restaurants and stuff to do.  I miss being able to go for a run by the monuments instead of the mountains of trash.  I mean really, this morning, there was giant pile of trash in the middle of the sidewalk.  Oh, and Dear all drivers in Nigeria, please kindly stop parking your car on the sidewalk.  It is for walking.  The street is for driving.  Thank you.

I'm hoping Thursday night was the low point.  I finally broke down and bawled.  Then Joey and I ate peanut butter and honey toast (my solution to dessert) and drank a bottle of wine.  Alcohol and food seem to make everything better, at least for the meantime.  I mean, no, last week I didn’t eat four quarts of Ben & Jerry’s in three days.  Joey helped.  We went to the Commissary last Thursday night and even though it was still ridiculously expensive (over $6 a quart), I bought four quarts of Ben & Jerry's and as soon as we got home sat down and ate a Chunky Monkey.  Then last Friday after I got home from work decided that I needed some Strawberry Cheesecake and then later after dinner somehow the second Chunky Monkey may have been eaten as well.   Then I made it as far as Sunday before eating the last quart - Pistachio Pistachio.  FAT.  I’m an emotional eater, what can I say?  I mean, you mix PMSing with homesickness and you get a Chunky Melissa.

Anyway, the last Saturday of every month in Nigeria is called “Sanitation Day.”  No one in Abuja is allowed outside their house – no one is really sure why, but apparently if you get caught on the street – running, walking to the market, whatever – is no bueno.  I’ve heard its because once a month they want you to clean your house?  Not really sure, but last Saturday we hung out in our compound until we got the all clear.  Then we had a party - all the people in our compound put some money together and got a cover band and a guy to come out and make shawarmas (Greek/Lebanese-ish wraps with tahini and beef and lettuce and tomato - quite good).  It actually turned out to be a fairly fun time and it was something to do.

The guys making shawarma at the party.

The "best, better-than-average cover band" by the pool at our party.

Sunday we made our way to the Arts and Crafts Village outside the Sheraton.  There are all these little huts, and inside each is an assortment of beads, masks, wood carvings - random slave shackles - I mean, they are collector's items, right? Uhhh...  We didn't buy anything yet but are thinking about commissioning an ebony chest with a bunch of African carvings.  My only problem is that they carve all these cool giraffes and elephants and antelope into these beautiful pieces, and while I get that those are representative of Africa and we are, in fact, in Africa - I have yet to see a giraffe.  Or elephant.  Or antelope.  I saw a monkey in a cage on the side of the road on our way home from Gurara Falls and I just don't think that counts as wildlife.  So as much as I love the wood carvings of these fabulous African animals, I just don't feel that they are representative of our experience here.  We did find some cool little statuesques of African women with bowls on their heads that I think are more appropriate but I guess we have two years to see an elephant so it is what it is.

Also in the realm of arts and crafts, I had a dress made.  I picked out some fabric a few weeks ago and I met with a tailor.  After going through the tailor's magazines together, he sketched a design and took my measurements. I picked up the finished product last week.  The tailor had to make a few adjustments so he had me follow him to his "shop."  My friend Linda and I wandered through a maze of random brick alleyways in the market to what looked like a storage garage full of antique sewing machines.  So while the tailor adjusted my dress, Linda and I just sat on the bench outside his "shop" in the middle of the brick alley of garages.  Seeing as there was no fitting room available and I wanted to make sure the dress fit before I paid the tailor and left, I tried it on - over my other outfit - right in the little alleyway.  I think, even though I was wearing a  full skirt and tank top, the action of me putting on and taking off the dress - even over my other clothes - had the other tailors wondering wtf I was doing.  I was already fully clothed so its not like I was revealing anything.  Anyway, the dress wasn't exactly what I had pictured but Joey likes it and I might warm up to it eventually.  With the fabric and the custom tailoring it was $45 total, which is a steal for a custom made dress - but I just bought one through Victoria's Secret online for $19.99 that I'm positive I'll wear more.  So while I'm not sure if I'll commission any more dresses here, I am glad I got one - if nothing else its a cool souvenir. 

random

How does this happen?  This is my first experience with ice trays.

This is called a "garden egg."  Much like an eggplant, not as bitter.  Nigerians eat it raw - our driver told us it works as a digestive.  I would recommend cooking it.  Quite good sauteed with peppe (spicy ground chili pepper here).

Giant leaf bug outside our house.  Shudder.

Giant lizard outside our house.  Shudder.

Here's the link for more lovely photos from Abuja:http://picasaweb.google.com/100586084762366858227/NigeriaSoFar?authkey=Gv1sRgCPq50_Td78nuUg&feat=directlink

does switching to geico really save you 15% on car insurance?

"Oh. My. God." I yelled as I stood in the doorway of our bedroom.

"What?"  Joey replied from downstairs.

"Ohmygodohmygodohmygod there is a lizard on the wall!" I screamed, frozen in fear as I stared at the eight-inch long gecko on the wall next to my bed.

"What?!"

"Get the F*** up here there is a Fing lizard on the wall!"

So Joey bounded up the steps - we agreed I would go downstairs to get something to catch it and he would watch it to make sure it didn't move.  I ran downstairs, and after making my way through the iron gate at the bottom grabbed my camera, an empty 2L Aquafina bottle, a piece of paper and a juice glass.  When I returned the gecko was nowhere in sight.

"Where'd it go?" I asked Joey as he is casually searching the curtains.

"I don't know - it ran away." 

"There is a gecko loose in our bedroom?!"  I'm frantic, and at this point I'm standing on top of our bed in my sheer little black robe clutching my camera, the water bottle, the paper and the glass. 

Did I mention its 2:30 am?  George decided he needed water around 1:30 and after about half an hour of listening to him scratch at the door we finally acquiesed and decided we might as well have some tea.  It was when I returend upstairs with my teacup that I made this lovely discovery. 

"That's what you brought me to catch it?" Joey asked me, incredulously, while trying desparately not to laugh.

"What the hell do you expect me to bring you?  I grew up in Iowa and I find a Fing lizard on the wall and you think I'm going to know how to catch the Fing thing?" Yes, I have a potty mouth.  And it was in full swing at 2:30 am with a lizard on the wall in my bedroom.  Or rather a lizard running loose in my bedroom.  "And its not funny!"

Joey is now laughing hysterically, while I am just hysterical.  "Get it! Where'd it go?!  Get the Fing thing!"

He points to the window and says that it probably went out this little hole and that he looked everywhere and can't find it - tells me this story about how even the nicest hotel rooms in Hawaii get lizards in there all the time and that its no big deal - they eat mosquitos.

Clearly I am not convinced.  I go downstairs and come back up with the step ladder.  Joey searches for another fifteen minutes (meanwhile our entire pack of three worthless dogs is hiding under the bed, probably more due to me freaking out than the lizard), and finally declares the search over.  Relunctantly, after checking under the blankets of course, I crawl back into bed.  Joey looks over and asks "Will you turn out the lights?"

"Hell no."

"Some of them?  Please?"

So I turned off all the overhead lights, but left my lamp on.  I read for the next few hours (and glancing to the wall every few minutes) until I was so tired I finally had no choice but to fall asleep. 

The next day I told our sponsor, Ibrahim, an American FSO who is originally from Nigeria, that we found a lizard on the wall in our bedroom.  He responded knowingly in his sing-song Nigerian accent, "Oh a wall gecko!  Those are little things - they won't hurt you!  Sometimes they'll crawl on your face at night while you're sleeping and leave a little scratch, but otherwise you'll never know they're there."

Oh I'll know.