congratulations, bill and janice!

Back in May we headed to the US for a wedding, a graduation and a whole lot of eating in between.  First we stopped in St. Paul, Minnesota, where Joey's friend from college (I claim him as my friend sometimes too), Bill, married his lovely bride, Janice.  We were honored to be a part of their special day.

The whole weekend was really lovely - we were granted to perfect weather while Joey took care of groomsman duties, including buying a new suit and having it tailored in two days, and I took care of myself, with hot yoga classes at Corepower Yoga, early-morning runs - alone! - and a significant amount of time at the Aveda spa.  We also got to eat Juicy Lucy's (two burger patties with melted cheese oozing from the middle), sushi, and a decadent brunch at Bill's mom's the morning after the wedding.  Then we were off to the airport for a quick flight to Des Moines.

fourth of july

 In photos:

Unfortunately I didn't get my camera out until it started to rain (in case you were worried about my past history with cameras and rain, rest assured - I bought a waterproof one).

We don't get a lot of opportunities to get dressed up and go out in Abuja, so I really enjoyed the chance to wear my new dress and bright lipstick.  Joey even matched his tie to my dress.  Aren't we cute?

a note on med clearances

Remember this post?

I do.  I remember how stressed we both were that I'd get Class 2 Medical Clearance and Joey'd be posted somewhere I couldn't go.  How we fought to convince the doctor that I was cured of my depression and how relieved we were when I got my Class 1 Clearance.

What I wish I'd known then that I do now -

1.  Even though I told the psychiatrist evaluating my mental health that I'd learned how to manage my depression with running and yoga, she did not pass that information on to Joey's CDO (career development officer).  While I appreciate the respect of my privacy (and HIPAA), we were posted somewhere impossible to run long distances (and never by myself) or follow a regular yoga practice because his CDO didn't have all the information.  While we discussed with his CDO our desire to have children while at our first post, the CDO didn't know the only anti-malarial safe for pregnancy exacerbates depression and that the medical officer I spoke to upon receipt of our posting strongly advised me to wait to get pregnant until we left Abuja.

2.  Just because you don't feel depressed in Des Moines or Washington, DC, does not mean you won't feel depressed in Abuja, Nigeria.  And the stressors that you faced in DC and managed with running and yoga will be exponentially compounded by hardship when you leave the U.S.  The people evaluating medical clearances take this into account and if you have to convince them you're ok, you should consider "worldwide availability" and if you'll really be okay no matter where you go.

If you already have low-level anxiety and depression, imagine how you might feel after an explosion at a place you've shopped many times (http://saharareporters.com/news-page/exploion-rocks-abuja-shopping-center), or an explosion outside a new bar you were so excited to discover had Miller Light (http://www.thenationonlineng.net/2011/index.php/news-update/51337-explosion-rocks-abuja-nightclub.html), or an explosion near your friend's house (http://www.reuters.com/article/2012/04/26/us-nigeria-bomb-idUSBRE83P0NR20120426), or a siege during a layover (http://af.reuters.com/article/topNews/idAFJOE80T00P20120130) of which you can see the fire from the airplane, or a bomb in a church on Christmas Day (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2078450/Bombs-kill-32-Catholic-churches-Christmas-Day-mass-series-explosions-rock-Nigeria.html), or a bomb near the Embassy (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-africa-14677957), or an explosion at a market the night after you've eaten dinner there (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-africa-12099176).  It takes going to a crowded supermarket from routine to utterly terrifying.  


3.  An officer's posting is based on the medical clearances of all of his family members, not just the officer's.  We recently learned that despite what we'd heard otherwise, the department does not direct (*just a reminder - this is not official*) officers whose family members have lower medical clearances to places where those family members cannot accompany the officer (remember, AIP (Afghanistan, Iraq and Pakistan) assignments are never directed) for medical reasons (think about it - they can't - it would be discriminatory and illegal and probably against many federal EEO and ADA statutes).


Thankfully the new nurse practitioner here is really great and has been a tremendous help to me ever since my near-panic attack in the grocery store last week.  Not to mention we only have a little more than 20 weeks at post, and I'll be out of the country for over half of them.  My longest remaining stretch in Nigeria is only four weeks, and it's not til November.  I can handle that, especially after almost four weeks of finding my zen in Thailand in October and with the bright light at the end of the tunnel on December 1.  As my friend, K., told me when I first got to Abuja, "If you can handle this place, you can handle anything."  

so proud of my hubby

I can't help it - a girl's gotta brag.  I'm married to an incredible man.  Not only is he an amazing husband who is patient beyond measure, supportive, dedicated, loving, loyal, giving, kind, funny, smart and a great cook, Joey is also an amazing GSO.  Earlier this year he received a Superior Honor Award for his work in Abuja, but this morning he received even greater recognition as runner-up for GSO of the Year, second only to an officer in Kabul, Afghanistan (not in any way diminishing the work of the hundreds of GSOs all over the world).  

I've personally witnessed how diligently, tenaciously and tirelessly Joey's worked here in Abuja, and it's nice to know some other people noticed too.  (Even if his CDO (career development officer) didn't.  When she denied his request to extend in Abuja she told him, "we are confident any other first-tour officer will be able to do the same."  How confident are you now?  Way to make your employees feel valued.  Okay maybe my juvenile retort isn't necessary but I still remember how disheartened he was by her response.)  So anyway, I'm just damn proud of him.  Abuja may be lucky to have Joey on their side for two years, but I'm even luckier - I get him the rest of my life.

Okay now you have permission to gag just a little.

i think i'll work backward

It's been a while so I'll start with what's new and work my way back...

I started working again.  At my old, old job.  My second contract fell through, despite all the assurances otherwise from that boss, so after three months of sitting at home alone all day with nothing to do, the quickly diminishing quality of my mental health demanded that I finally get a job.  Luckily the employee association (Abuja job number 1) was willing to take me back, so although the work is primarily bookkeeping and pays me in a week what I used to make in a day, at least I get some human interaction during the day.  My mood has improved markedly already.  

Having any job proceeds is also an improvement.  Obviously I've already spent my first week's paycheck, but I'd like to think that I used it to make the an investment in my future.  I've been thinking about doing this for the last three years, and since on a whole I'm utterly miserable here anyway, it seemed like a better use of my time than sitting around moping: yoga teacher training for three weeks in October.  In Thailand.  I can't wait.

Besides that amazing personal experience for me to look forward to, Joey and I are both excited for our upcoming vacation in Mozambique with our friends L&O on an island-hopping safari, and a romantic trip to Victoria Falls for our five-year anniversary.  I'm also excited to report a trip back to Des Moines in August to spend more time with my family, since the last visit in May was such a whirlwind it felt like we were in and out in the blink of an eye.  Unfortunately all these trips during the last few months of Joey's tour mean we'll be spending a lot of time apart, but he's been so busy with work and I've been so damn depressed we both know it's the best thing for us and our marriage right now.

And before we know it, it will be December 1 and we will be done, done, done with this horrible place and onto our next adventure.  What that will be still remains to be seen, but as long as we're together we'll make it work.

i have a very serious problem

I've been spending a lot more time at home lately, and with that, a lot more time with M.  As awkward as it is to just hang out while she cleans my house, I know her employment with us provides her with what is considered to be a very good job as well as a place to live, and I don't have to clean toilets or deal with Max, so it's a win-win.  But lately I've encountered a problem, and I have no idea how to deal with it.

M. smells.

Some days she smells so bad I can't even be in the same room as her.  When those days coincide with the days she folds my laundry I cringe.  Sometimes when we come home from vacation, when M. is gracious enough to stay in the house with the dogs, the upholstery on the furniture reeks for weeks.  Usually I throw the cushion and pillow covers in the washer, but that doesn't help remove the stench from the backs and arms of the furniture that can't be washed, and Febreeze only goes so far.  Yesterday she smelled so bad she left a trail of B.O. wafting behind her and today it reeks as if she still hasn't showered.   Lately I've found myself feeling hostile toward her because she smells so bad when really I'm the only one to blame until I tell her that she stinks.  But how do you tell someone they smell without hurting their feelings?

I'm not usually one to go out of my way to avoid hurting people's feelings.  I'm pretty blunt and mostly tell it like it is, but in this case I just feel so uncomfortable.  I actually like M.  I just want her to magically start showering before work and putting on deodorant and a clean shirt.  Is that too much to ask?  

So instead, I've been nagging my husband.  People here are very blunt with each other, and I know many Nigerians would just come straight out and say, "M, you stink.  Go bathe."  Joey has told me to do the same.  He's also come up with great ideas like explaining to her that Americans are very sensitive about how we smell and giving her some deodorant to use before work.  I just don't know why he can't tell her that.  It's not like he's busy with anything else.   

I'm know I'm not the only one who has a hard time telling people I like about something awkward.  Take, for instance, my 100% granola phase when I wore organic deodorant.  I'd like to think that since I still showered at least twice a day and wore clean clothes that I didn't smell quite so bad, but I'm pretty sure I didn't smell good - it took months before anybody was willing to tell me.  I certainly appreciated it when someone was finally honest with me, so why is it so hard for me to do the same favor for M.?

bats

The bats are back.  Last year about this time we experienced the same nightly migration of the creepy things over our house; sometimes they'd even dip into the pool for a sip (yuck).  This year we have an added bonus:  they've taken up their evening residence in the trees in our compound.

I can't even begin to describe the chirping of thousands of bats that is so loud I can hear it through my window from inside my house, but it's unnerving enough that I am now terrified to take the dogs out at night.  I wish I could take a picture of all them in the trees, but it's dark and they're dark and I'm not really willing to play with my tripod and camera outside while bats are swooping around.  Shudder.

Seriously, how do you get a bat colony out of your trees?  Joey and I both got a series of rabies shots before we came; the dogs are up-to-date on their shots too.  I know bats aren't malevolent, but I just can't help but worry that with so many of those gross animals right there and at least three bathroom trips outside a night, we don't really have the best odds.